Pleasures and pains of newly-weds

Prosper

As newly-weds settle into matrimony, they are confronted with new experiences and challenges.

*Some of the brides

Long ago, an old friend drove a long distance to my home one early morning. Immediately I opened the door, without formal courtesies, she went into a friendly tirade: “Francis, you’re wicked, you are a baaad boy; so this is what you have been enjoying and hiding from us…”

I was confused and asked what my crime was. “You mean you can wack (be intimate with your spouse) in the morning before going to church without hangover (guilt of sin)? “Yes o”, I answered, “but God first; it is better to go to church and come back before you do that your wacking.

Normally two kinds of courting couples go into marriage: those who had sex during courtship and those who did not.

Whatever side of the divide you fall into, there is always relief after your wedding: For the former, that you can now do your thing without guilt and for the latter group, at last the looong wait is over.

The latter group, especially, normally look forward to their wedding night. The experience can transport them into a realm hitherto unknown.

It might just as well be the clumsiest and most awkward experience they ever had. But not to worry, you will have many more opportunities to do things right and become masters of the game.

Wedding night can be frustrating for some. As a result of the running around and excitement of getting married, a bride’s menstrual flow started a little earlier than usual and just before the wedding day of all days. For personal and religious reasons they decided to put the consummation of the marriage on hold until thereafter.

Unplanned pregnancyis another matter that newly-weds are confronted with. Some decide to spend the first few months savouring each other before starting a family.

The challenge is, they cannot take their hands off each other and caution takes the back seat, so barely few weeks into their marital bliss, madam starts vomiting one early morning.

If they are lucky and it is a quiet pregnancy, the honeymoon continues with plenty of fun (There is, however, this small matter of women who accumulate tons of saliva and spit incessantly during pregnancy; if your wife falls into this category and you like kissing, hmmmm).

But if it is a difficult pregnancy, the honeymoon is over. Some early pregnancies are very difficult and the women are in so much pain that they are in no mood for pleasure; their husbands must therefore “maintain”.

This can go on for the first trimester before the situation normalises. Some women experience acute pain throughout the pregnancy. In fact they are placed on bed rest until delivery. In that case, honeymoon is effectively over and you must wait for the product of your brief honeymoon to bring fresh sunshine into your home.

Next is the momentous and wonderful occasion of the arrival of your first baby. Some guys are scared of blood and will never be with their wives during childbirth; they prefer to pace along hospital corridors and wait for doctors to give them the good news. Some are too jealous to watch male doctors digging into their wives.

There is a way it is sha and I can tell you that some of these male doctors are mischievous. But there is a solution: insist on female doctors or matrons.

Not all childbirths go smoothly; sometimes the woman is cut to create extra room for the passage of the baby. At other times a nasty tear can occur when the woman is pushing.

Sometimes the woman’s pelvis is too narrow for the passage of the baby or for other medical and precautionary measures; the woman undergoes a caesarean to bring out the baby.

Whichever way, the woman’s body needs time to heal before she can resume her conjugal activities with her husband. The husband should therefore be patient with his wife.

Some men call themselves boobs men. Nice one, but you would have to adjust after your wife gives birth and starts lactating, unless you want to share your wife’s breast milk with your baby.

Sometimes, love grows cold shortly after marriage. It is an awkward experience, but young couples must sit down and find out where things went awry. One of the challenges of marriage is that it is a tag team sport. No matter how good you are, you are just as good as your tag team mate and unless your spouse cooperates, there will be no marital success.

You would have seen some women getting pregnant when their first baby is just three to five months old. Sometimes it also happens to women who have been married for a while.

Trust me many of these pregnancies were not planned. What happened was that after childbirth, the couple resumed intercourse before the first menstrual flow and just before or during ovulation resulting in pregnancy.

Finally, long ago, I went to visit a friend, two days after his wedding. I was shocked on arrival: there were eight adults living with them already; his relatives and his wife’s. “Shouldn’t newly-weds have privacy?

Can’t the wife take her bath and just walk naked from the bathroom to the bedroom if she so wishes (Their bedroom was not en suite)”, I muttered under my breath.

It did not make sense to me. I really get upset when I see newly-weds housing so many extended family members.

Some of these couples live in a single room or two rooms. So where is the space and privacy for intimacy? Again, if they must support their siblings or relatives, which I am not against, must the siblings and relatives live with them?I feel relatives should be reasonable or made to see reason.

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